Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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