i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
