didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
