This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
