Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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