i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
