let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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