Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
