How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
