I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Sober January is a disaster.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
