Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
