Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
