Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
