I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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