college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
