I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
