At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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