So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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