it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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