im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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