So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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