its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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