Pants 0. Shit 1.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
