It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
