White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
