I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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