Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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