okay pat passed out under dana's car
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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