How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dick very happy bro
It all started with a game of naked twister.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
