here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
