He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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