The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize