marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
