That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
