What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
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