Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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