Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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