dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize