whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
