So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i will never coherently bang her
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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