I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize