how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize