you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize