Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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