I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
