One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
