i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
