Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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