My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
lol hangovers are for mortals.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
