we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
