Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
