I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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