If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
