i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
