i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
