I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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