Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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