Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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