One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
