I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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