My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize