i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
