I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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