What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
