just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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