I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
